Errors in Toiletering Protocol

Generally accepted protocol for a public or semipublic (i.e., workplace) bathroom is pretty basic. Ingrained almost. Get in, do what you gotta do, and get out. Infractions are terribly unfortunate and awkward. A couple real life examples follow. I’ll try to keep it clean.


Example 1: A recent visit to the workplace restroom found someone on the phone! He was on the phone while in the restroom. But wait there’s more, the guy was seated on a locomotive! Yes, he was in a stall talking on a cell phone! Come on now. This is the kind of thing that can cause you to lose faith in humanity.

Protocol review:
1) Don’t take your phone into the restroom.
2) But if you neglect rule 1 above and your phone rings while you’re in the restroom, don’t answer it.
3) Under no circumstances do you engage in a phone conversation while in a stall! Heck, any conversation for that matter, phone or otherwise.


Example 2: A guy came into the restroom at work mid-conversation on his cell phone and bellied up to a urinal. Dude, stand outside the restroom, finish the call, then proceed to the restroom. The two activities should be mutually exclusive. Mutually exclusive like driving a car and watching tv. Two things that are never to happen at the same time.


Example 3: November 2008. Disneyworld in Orlando, Florida. Animal Kingdom

Restroom break. I was at the sink washing my hands and couldn’t help but notice that the guy at the urinal was simultaneously scrolling the screen of his Blackberry wireless communication device. That guy’s got a problem!

Please refer to ‘Mutually exclusive’ in Example 2.


I cringe at the thought that there are some folks amongst us freely operating outside the parameters of these acceptable behaviors.
-klem