Klem’s Corporate Corollaries, an excerpt

1) Don’t use foul language. You’ll look like a buffoon.

2) Shake hands like you mean it.

3) Sarcasm. Not in the office. A handful of the cohorts with whom you work won’t get it.

4) Remain calm under all circumstances. It’ll elevate your status in the eyes of others. Plus, the opposition finds it intimidating.

5) Dress code. Don’t dress down to the lowest threshold just to comply. The dress code outlines the minimum standard. If a pull over polo shirt and Sketchers don’t fit your own self image, then don’t fulfill it.

6) Control your temper and emotion in the office. As Albert Camus wrote in The Fall, ‘Being master of one’s moods is the privilege of the larger animals.’ Be a larger animal.

7) It’s OK to call in sick once in a while if you’re an ailing bag of bones. A runny nose, insatiable cough, and baggy eyes cut not the image of a corporate power. Go home and take a nap.

8) Communication. Learn to write well and speak effectively. Anyone can perform poorly in this area. Don’t be just anyone.

9) Walk with purpose, even if it’s feigned. Nobody can tell the difference.

10) Enter a room with confidence, even if it’s false bravado. Nobody can tell the difference on this one either.

-klem