As we give thanks on this day of Thanksgiving, I furnish you with an enumerated roster of things for which I give thanks, though this list be not all-inclusive.
1. That it has been ingrained in me by family tradition that Sunday means family time, not just free time.
2. Football, despite the consistently poor performance of the Cleveland Browns, the beloved team of me and my nephew.
3. Homes with well maintained landscaping, although it would be swell if commendable maintenance required less effort.
4. Weed-killing agents that leave the grass unscathed.
5. Figs. I must’ve knocked back 20 or more of those delicious things this year, benefit of being on good terms with my neighbor and her bountiful fig trees.
6. That the childhood memories of me and my siblings are a constant source of amusement for the whole family.
7. That my balding head is a constant source of amusement for Cade and Kelly.
8. That I was raised to behave according to a moral standard rather than a sense of entitlement.
9. For sun tan lotion with SPF 50 so dad can still swim nude while maintaining a healthy degree of coverage for his previously defeated butt cancer. [Note for the gentle reader: A reference to a victorious bout with skin cancer on a very curious locale.]
10.The joy of the written word, despite the indigestible blather produced by the much heralded James Joyce.
11.That vegetarians willingly forgo the delectable helpings of meat dishes so that the rest of us barbarians may consume and enjoy their portions.
12.That stamps are now stickers no longer requiring a lick.
13.Plastic BIC pens, those things never fail.
14.The satisfaction that comes with completing a physical task or exercise regiment.
16.Sports talk radio.
18.Gainful employment, despite the necessitated inconvenience of working 40 hours per week.
19.That I have family that I love and enjoy, because I prefer spending post-Thanksgiving dominated by feelings of being engorged rather than enraged.
20.That I have parents that I want to please rather than one-up.