Wife Klem and I enjoy our weekly routine of Friday Night Movie Night. Put the kids to bed, pour a glass of beer or hooch, a bowl of snacks and watch a film. We recently watched Seeking a Friend For the End of the World (2012) starring Steve Carrell. A fun movie about the world coming to an end by means of a huge asteroid on a collision course with earth. Got us thinking, what would we do?
So you have two weeks notice about THE asteroid. It is irrefutably
going to crush us. What do we do? For me, it comes down to three stages of
action: immediate, preparation, then the waiting.
[Stage 1] Immediate:
Immediately upon hearing the asteroid news, I would go to the bank
and max out our ATM cards. Cash, I figure, could be crucial because some
merchants may refuse credit cards under these circumstances where humanity
would be gone by the time the bill came due. Next stop, the grocery store because
I don’t know if this supply line (i.e., food) would be available all the way up
until the asteroid collision. Wouldn’t want to come to an unsightly end due to
neglect while the asteroid is still en route. And besides, if it can be
arranged, you might as well enjoy some degree of comfort in these final days
plying oneself with grub. Final major acquisition stop would be Walmart to
stock up on a few additional key ingredients. A quick summation:
· Bank - max out ATM
cards
· Fuel for cars - would
be crummy if we had someplace to go, or family to see, but no fuel
· Grocery store - grub (preferably
stuff that can be eaten right out of the can or with little preparation just in
case the electricity or gas were not available), water, fruit, meats (hot dogs
and lunch meat – these things will last two weeks)
· Walmart - batteries,
walkie-talkies (would want ability to remain in contact with my people),
flashlights, solar battery chargers (in case electricity and batteries become
unavailable)
· Propane tank refill (a
few final barbecue outtings)
Drop off supplies at home then go back out for a second round
amidst the rising chaos. Endure it now while there’s still a chance to acquire
necessities . . . or bonus items such as frozen turkeys, pies, and video games.
[Stage 2] Preparation:
Once the immediate action is accomplished to the best of our
abilities it’d be time to make a checklist and assess what other preparation is
needed to make the final two weeks safe, secure, and enjoyable.
· Fill a few tubs full
of water. You don’t know how long water would be available, so this would be
our emergency supply.
· Water purification kit
– get one from Walmart or a Sporting Goods shop?
· Rechargeable batteries
in use throughout the house – charge them full while electricity remains
available.
[Stage 3] The Waiting:
What to do with oneself once safety and preparation are
accomplished? First, a few things that I would NOT do, possibly ever again.
Yard maintenance – mowing or watering of the lawn, raking leaves, honing the
sprinkler system to maximum efficiency, and trim bushes. I wouldn’t pay any
bills (or at least make only the minimum payment - you know, what if the
asteroid misses us, wouldn’t want to have to contend with an overdue penalty), and
I wouldn’t go to work. I wouldn’t quit, I’d just put in for two week’s vacation.
Again, no need to quit, what if the asteroid misses and I need to return to
gainful employment?
The bulk of the final two weeks, once stage I and stage II are
secured, would be spent as if it were Thanksgiving. Big meals with family and
friends (see turkeys above – turkey reference is to the food, not family members
and friends). I’d intend to close this thing out by socially gorging on people
I know and love. Phone calls and e-mails to those folks I couldn’t reach,
provided these lines of communication remain operable. Reminisce on past joys.
Also, with things coming to an end, no need to save good food,
beers, or assorted spirits for special occasions. After all, we’d be in a
situation where there would likely be no more occasions at all. This is it!
Candy bars, ice cream, hot chocolate, beef jerkey, and ‘sugar’ cereals. It’s
time to zero it all out. Empty the cupboards of the good stuff right down the
gullet.
Please
let me know what I missed. Would be nice to know in advance so that I may
update the checklists.
-klem
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