Klem's 77 Principles For Personal Peace

These are aspirations. Some I possess, others fleetingly, and with others I struggle. Occasional stumbles are motivation to straighten up and get back on track. But I confidently submit to you that wielding more of the following will lead to enhanced levels of peace.

[1] Find yourself an encourager because life isn’t always rose buds and soda pop. Someone you trust for honest feedback. Then, let them know you value them.

[2] Exercise regularly. This is important for your mental health, not just physical health. No, you don’t have to bench press your weight, do a bunch of squats or own a gym membership. Go for a walk after dinner several times a week, do yoga, rock your cardio machine. You get the idea. Move around a little bit.

[3] Be open to feedback. Anybody can get chewed out, that's easy. The hard part is scrolling through the noise to find the constructive, then a practical application.

[4] A person is only as strong as their own self-doubt. Identify yours, then seek to master it.

[5] Belts or suspenders. Choose one. Never both simultaneously.

[6] If you want peace in your life, then behave like someone who is already at peace.

[7] Don't concern yourself with what others think of you. It's a sure route to losing track of your priorities. Just do the right thing and keep moving forward.

[8] Complaining is for those who have given up. Remain above that self-degradation. Seek a solution, implement a plan, then go forth.

[9] Validation. A person seeking it is trying too hard. So don't seek it.

[10] No rhetorical questions.

[11] Turn the sprinklers off when it rains.

[12] You can’t control what happens. But what you can control is what you do. Care about your effort and the quality of your work. Do not obsess about the outcomes.

[13] Life is difficult. It requires dedication and hard work. But the rewards are there. There are lifetimes' worth of unredeemed rewards left by those who turned back in the face of adversity. So, do not give up. Persevere and redeem yours.

[14] Be guided by thought, not feelings. I often feel like eating frosted Pop-Tarts for breakfast, and I sometimes consent, but a steady flow of consenting to feelings would lack direction and decrease odds of peace.

[15] Do not condescend. You wouldn’t just sound like a pompous jackass, you would, in fact, be one. 

[16] Everyone makes mistakes. If you messed up, then apologize, take appropriate corrective measures, learn from your mistake, do not repeat.

[17] If you’re on a hike, it’s good to stay on the trail. But as you traverse life, it’s important to sometimes stray from the path everyone else takes. Find your healthy idiosyncrasies and feed them.

[18] One person behaving poorly does not give impunity to reciprocate. Conduct yourself as if your momma or grandparents are watching. Make them proud.

[19] Ego is the enemy, so attenuate its power by actively avoiding the last word in a discussion. Let the other person have the last word. Just give it away. This will take some getting used to, some practice and incremental improvements. Be equal to the challenge.

[20] Enduring life isn’t enough. Do something with your time.

[21] Ask ‘How’ and ‘What’ questions to improve the quality of discussion. And ask fewer ‘Why’ questions as they tend to induce a defensive response, an entrenching of position.

[22] Find inspiration, whatever makes you tick, and use it to motivate your productivity and creativity. Do something. It’s better than being sedentary.

[23] Do what needs to be done regardless of whether you want to. Get it done, then move on to the next thing, hopefully something you want to do.

[24] A goal without an action plan or road map is a mere dream. Don’t settle for being a dreamer. Have a plan.

[25] Stop casting blame. It's a distraction and waste of energy. Stay focused, look for a solution and proceed with its implementation.

[26] When speaking with someone look them in the eyeballs. Eye contact improves the quality of the interaction.

[27] Good manners. Everyone deserves them, so treat everyone as though they do.

[28] Body language matters.

        Good posture.

        Don’t cross your arms.

        No scowling. Save this for driving in traffic.

[29]  Walk with purpose, even if it’s feigned. Nobody can tell the difference. But also, and more importantly, have a purpose.

[30] Enter a room with confidence, even if it’s false bravado. Nobody can tell the difference on this one either.

[31] Control your temper and moods. As Albert Camus wrote in The Fall, ‘Being master of one’s moods is the privilege of the larger animals.’ Be a larger animal.

[32] Shake hands like you mean it, because you do.

[33] Remain calm under pressure. It’ll elevate your status in the eyes of others. Plus, the opposition will find it intimidating.

[34] It's not a matter of what you don’t want, but what you DO want. Let that be your motivation. Make progress toward a goal, rather than simply scampering away from an undesirable.

[35] Being busy is a choice. Choose to be productive instead. No more ‘I don’t have enough time' or ‘I’m too busy.’ Choose to have room in your schedule for what matters.

[36] Hindsight is 20-20. 'I knew it' is a cowardly remark. If you have something to say, then say it when it still matters. 

[37] Take responsibility for your own happiness. You are living your life, not merely existing in it. Do not empower others to furnish it unto you or prevent it. Decide for yourself. Choose happiness. It is self-fulfilling.

[38] Acting out in a bad mood is unfair to those around you, inflicting your foulness unto them. Rise above. Decide who owns whom. You or your mood.

[39] Keep it positive. It makes the world around you a better place. Not blind optimism, just proactive positivity.

[40] Ask for help when needed. Asking gives someone the opportunity to feel good about their knowledge-sharing. Then, pay it forward when it is asked of you.

[41] When considering a position, listen to an opposing view. Give yourself a weighted starting point, but remain open to hearing other positions and switching if it's better.

[42] Politics. Such conversation can be enlightening. Can be, but is mostly infuriating. If you intend to venture forth into this arena, keep the tone constructive. Do more asking and less telling. Ask intelligent, sincere questions of those you respect. Test your own positions and recalibrate if needed.

[43] Life is an endless stream of goals for which to strive. Take control of your destiny by game-planning each. When you level up, then advance to the next goal and pertinent action plan.

[44] Patience is a superpower. Nurture your capacity. The lack of it is the foundation for mistakes and regrettable behavior.

[45] Your success is limited by the difficult conversations you avoid. They’re difficult because they’re important. Talk it out. Choose courage over comfort. It leads to a more fulfilling path.

[46] Freedom and independence are opportunities for self-discipline. Be up to the responsibility.

[47] Do the right thing from one decision to the next, from one day to the next. All those things beyond your control, leave them to work themselves out. Those things beyond your control are distractions, not priorities.

[48] It doesn’t matter what other people say or think. It matters only what you do. You only control your own actions. Make them count.

[49] Be more direct. Not rude, just say what you mean, politely and sincerely.

[50] Say what you want, not what you don’t. This puts you on a positive path rather than passively hoping to avoid what you don’t want.

[51] Respect the elders. Engage them, ask questions and listen. They've earned an audience, offer them an opportunity to bask.

[52] Show your gratitude. You have much for which to be thankful. A life that prioritizes Gratitude is a life that hoves toward satisfaction and peace. Be a force for good.

[53] Never stop learning. If you think you know something, then you are done learning, and so is your forward progress.

[54] You are a combination of the five people with whom you spend the most time. Choose wisely.

[55] We judge ourselves based on our thoughts and intentions. But are judged by others based on our actions and words. If you behave rudely, then you are rude, regardless of thoughts, words or justifications. So do good and behave yourself.

[56] If you possess a talent at which you excel, do not be content to simply enjoy the excellence. Develop the talent. Then seek a way to turn it to positive effect.

[57] If finger pointing is your thing, then use it for casting praise rather than blame.

[58] Be a person whose first reaction is to resolve a problem rather than one whose first is to complain.

[59] No gratuitous foul language, that's lazy. Use your strong words. [Reprieve allowed in case of hammer striking thumb.]

[60] Teach your kids to swim.

[61] Anger leads to dumber decisions. So, be happy. Or at the very least, don’t make decisions while angry.

[62] To make the world a better place, the formula is simple. You don't need to be better than others, simply be better than you were yesterday. Everyday. Repeat process.

[63] In life, you get what you give. So give your best effort and best behavior to be reciprocated in kind.

[64] Do something, don’t just be something. Happiness is attained in the journey of doing, not in the destination.

[65] The email Subject line. Use it. No blanks.

[66] If Captain Obvious would say it, then you don't have to. So don't.

[67] The ways in which a person spends their time reveals what’s important to them. Don't just say what's important to you, prove it with your actions.

[68] Don't interrupt when someone's speaking. Await your chance.

[69] Humility. Get greedy with it.

[70] Button-fly blue jeans. Nope.

[71] Be patient with yourself when learning a skill. Be impatient in mastering your faults, weaknesses and fears.

[72] Exercise forgiveness. Learn to let it go. Peace awaits.

[73] Do not procrastinate because peace awaits this too.

[74] If you want to be heard, then speak constructively and concisely. Don't merely offer criticism.

[75] If your kids want to do something with you, just say yes, every time. This dynamic changes quickly as they age and the parent loses the power position. Get them while you can.

[76] Do the right thing. Let the consequences take care of themselves.

[77] If you're scratching a dog and you've found the 'magic spot,' don't stop scratching until the leg stops moving.

[This is my personal self-help list. A list for which I continue to work with varying degrees of success. But #77, I have that one mastered. -wdk]

Klem is the author of yet unpublished novel Magglio Cervantes, blogs at [http://wdklem.blogspot.com], and can be observed horsing around on Twitter at [@WilliamKlem1].