Biology Class, the Guest Speaker

My second year in college and my major was still undeclared. UC Santa Barbara Gauchos. I enjoyed the sciences yet I had not given biology a go. Not nearly as mathematical and formula driven as physics, chemistry, or mathematics, thought I’d try this out before I decide on a major.


Q4 1986

First three weeks of biology was going great, really enjoyed the material. Then we had a guest speaker one day. To my horror, the speaker’s topic was blood. I have little constitution for this type of discussion and I quickly came to feeling ill and light headed. My initial game plan was to simply not pay attention the entire lecture. But to no avail, I was having difficulty containing myself and there was still an hour to go. I knew there was no chance of seeing this through. No chance of a good ending. I felt a lapse from consciousness imminent.

Retreating into emergency mode, I reviewed the exit options. It was a lecture hall with only two exits, one in the rear and one in the front near the speaker’s riser. I was seated near the front. I decided on the quickest exit, but this entailed exiting across the speaker’s riser while in front of about 150 students. What a spectacle I’d be!

With time quickly becoming of the essence, I mustered up the strength to perform this embarrassing task. I grabbed my gear and skateboard, politely disturbed the other students in my aisle as I excused myself through the theater seating, walked across the riser, and walked actually behind the speaker. My disturbance caused only a minor hitch in the speaker’s discourse. I opened the door and out into freedom. But the ordeal was not yet over.

Once outside the lecture hall and in the hallway, my eyesight began to fail me. Everything became fuzzy and, eventually, I could see nothing. I took a few more steps with my eyeballs feeding me nothing more than the equivalent to the static on a television set which is getting no reception. Assessing that I would shortly pass out, I extended my arm and felt for a wall and sat on my skate board while my eyes still saw nothing.

Someone asked me to move so that they could open a door. In my incapacitated state I had unknowingly hunkered down against a door. What a dope I must have appeared. I scooted over two feet, eyeballs not yet functional.

After a few minutes my eyesight was restored, and I self diagnosed that I was no longer at risk of losing consciousness. I had collected enough of myself to skate back to my dorm room. I dropped off my notebook and skated to the dining commons where I ate lunch.


I passed that biology class. I attempted no further classes in this field for the balance of my collegiate days.
-klem